Title: Duo (1/1) (sequel to Mono)
Author: Kirsty (SSKNicol@aol.com or Krevlorneswath@hotmail.com)
Disclaimer: Joss owns 'em. Not me. I ain't competing in Numfar's dance contest.
Pairings: S/A S/B S/D A/B A/Da.
Rating: 'R'
Spoilers: Everything.
Summary: "Dialogue: 1, Conversation between two or more people. 2, An exchange
of opinions; discussion." (Collins Dictionary)
Notes: Two warning words - Deliberate. Ambiguity.
Also - Bloody Hard To Write! (in case you were interested)
Thanks to Vixen and Donna, who were so quick in responding, and wanted more.
Sorry it's taken so long. I can't say I'm 100% satisfied, but if I don't post
now, I never will, and I need closure, damnit! <g>
And a big thanks to Kate for the reassurance.
"I never hated you, Spike."
"You might've been a pain in the ass on more than one occasion, and frankly
I was amazed that I didn't stake you on sight back when Dru showed me her new
'toy', but I honestly don't think I ever hated you."
"And since I found out you fell for Buffy - truthfully - I disliked you even
less."
"Eventually."
A sigh.
"Maybe because I knew that if you could love something so pure and good, then
perhaps you were still a worthwhile cause."
Silence.
"Is that it?"
"I'm not exactly known for my long speeches, boy."
"That's it?!"
"I spend bloody *ages* doing the whole namby-pamby bearing my non-existent soul
crap, and then you spurt a non-committal sentence about no longer feeling the
urge to mangle my private parts with an egg whisk?"
"An egg whisk?"
"Don't change the subject."
"It's just that out of all the - "
"Just forget about the bleedin' egg whisk, alright? What I mean is that you
haven't told me anything new here. We both came for some sort of closure tonight,
and I know I'm being ripped right off now that it's come to your part of the
deal."
"Start again. Tell me the truth, Angelus. Why'd you bother showing your face
here again? And don't fob me off with all that rubbish you told the Scoobies.
This is *me* you're talking to. Why'd you need this as badly as me?"
"You want the truth? Fine. Just shut up and let me have my say, because for
once, boy, it's not all about you."
A nod.
"Darla and I were lovers, you know that. We hunted, we fucked, we screwed, we
shagged, and on a rare occasion, we even tried making love. And love was never
something I could make, so instead I forced it. That didn't really work out
either, but I was a soulless bastard, so why the Hell should I care?"
"..."
"Not a word, Spike."
"You know what it was like to be so involved with someone for such a long, long
time that you're way past being just one mere entity. We were even past being
'Angelus and Darla'. We were...Everything. And it would never be perfect, true
love, but God it was sweeter than anything I'd ever known. And it was good."
"And then of course I got a eternal reminder of how not to piss the Romani
off."
"Having a soul really, well...sucked. Actually, it still does, but that's not
the issue right now. Back then it was a struggle to find a reason to go on to
the next day, and most of the time I stayed alive out of sheer cowardice. I'd
already died once, and somehow I guess the demon wasn't keen on me repeating
the same experience twice."
"I thought about you all every day, in between the guilt. Sometimes with disgust,
and sometimes... not. I missed how simple life could be, how clear my purpose
was. I missed being Darla's darling boy. I missed the way Dru used to mutter
sweet nonsense in my ears whilst she carefully ripped the wings from the butterflies
outside our cottage in the Dordogne. I missed that look you've given me a thousand
times, when I'm never sure if you wanted to kill me or screw me into the ground.
Looking back at it, I guess I've missed some pretty twisted stuff."
"See what a good, Catholic education can do to a guy?"
A pause.
"I tried to come back. That didn't work."
"I still thought of you, though. But to cut a very long story short - after
nearly a hundred years of smelling worse than the filth I was eating, I got
a break of sorts."
"Yeah, yeah. I know the drill, Angel. Cut to the chase already."
"As I was about to say - that's when I met her. I'll never forget how she looked
that first time I saw her. Beautiful in all respects, and she wore her heart
on her sleeve for all to see. I haven't seen such innocence since I was a kid.
I wanted to embrace that goodness, protect it, and devour it all at once."
"She kinda has that ambivalent effect, I noticed."
"Yeah."
"You think you know how it all panned out, right, Spike? Love, lust, demonic
obsession? Boo-hoo, and it's all over? Damn, I wish it was that simple."
"Maybe it is. Maybe it's just me that's screwed up."
A contemptuous raise of an eyebrow. "You think?"
"Anyway, I'm guessing this is the part you wanted to hear, seeing as it's about
you."
Another world-weary sigh.
"I'm not going to confess undying love to you, Spike. I'm not sure if I ever
could. Don't give me that puppy-dog eyes crap, you know it won't work."
"Okay - maybe it might work, but you have to hear this through first"
"I never loved you as you wanted me to, but when it comes down to it, you've
always, in some twisted way or another, been there. Mostly in a non-comforting
way, but there nonetheless. And that's what I need. The familiar. The trusted,
in a 'I know you'll drop me in it as soon as I screw up' way. We know each other,
deep down. Demon, man, whatever the hell I've become, you still recognise me.
And I know you need me. I taught you a little
too well, William, and now we're permanently entangled."
"I don't love you, but I need you. And I think we're both willing to settle
with that, because I know I couldn't go through all that crap again. Could you?"
"No."
"I'm not going to pretend we're headed for a sugar-sweet Happy Ever After situation,
but that's not what I need."
"You wanted to know why I came? I came for me. I came for selfish, base reasons.
I came because I don't want to be alone anymore, and I knew you'd understand."
Stretching a tentative hand from his hulking frame, Angel reached for his boy's
cheek.
"Don't promise me anything. Just take the pain away for a little while."
He nodded.
Fin