Title: Test of Faith
Author: menolly@bigpond.com
Codes: K/S
Rating NC-17
Summary: Spock at Gol.
Feedback: Any type welcome
Disclaimer: Characters belong to Paramount.
Note: This was written for the Kiscon Zine 2001.
It was on my fifth morning in the desert that my thoughts turned to Jim Kirk, and how we had made love that last day on the Enterprise.
It is called Kahs Cha Keni, a test of faith. The acolyte to Gol is taken out to the desert and left in scant shade, blindfolded and tethered to a stake in the ground by a slender length of rope. The blindfold could easily be removed, the rope broken. The test is not to do so, to have faith that the watching Masters will keep you safe.
There is nothing to do, no food and little water. The acolyte is alone with his thoughts. I wanted to avoid mine.
On the first day I contemplated the warp equations I had been working on in the last months of our five year voyage.
By the second day I had progressed to a comparison of the sociological conditions that had existed on the seventy four planets I had visited while on Starfleet duty and how they compared to the seven hundred and sixty four other cultures of which I had knowledge.
The third and fourth day I spent on the works of Surak, reciting them from my memory and translating them into five different languages.
The fourth night was a seemingly endless stretch of blackness. After so much inactivity I found myself completely unable to sleep. The blindfold shut out my sight and the noise of the desert predators reached my ears. I was totally exposed to them, surely the Masters
could not intervene in time if one attacked? My barriers were at last eroded. As I lay limply upon the desert sands the memories of Kirk that I had been trying to suppress came back. There was no escape and no evasion. I was alone with those memories.
It was Kirk who tried to teach me faith. Before I met him I had little faith, in myself or in others. He believed in me utterly. There was no problem he would not give me to solve, no situation he would not trust me with, nothing he would not forgive me. In turn I
learnt to believe in him, to trust him, as I had never done any other Human or Vulcan. He never failed me. In the end, as it has always been, it is I who failed him.
It was on that last night before we made Earth orbit. It is burned into my memory. It had been a pressured two days completing all the reports we were required to file before our return. Once orbit was achieved, and the formal ceremonies over, there would be a press of friends, relatives and the media descending upon Jim. There would be no time for us to be alone. I think we both realised that.
We were in uniform in Jim's quarters. Jim's shoulders were tight with strain and I was behind him, massaging them. His head was bowed before me and very lightly I planted a kiss on those golden strands. My hands froze in their motions as he tilted his head back towards me. I do not know who moved first, or if we moved together, but our lips met in our first kiss. We held each other for a long time, our lips locked together, our arms around each other's waist. I could feel all of his body pressed against mine, his heart beating, his blood pulsing through his veins. From his groin I could feel his hardness against mine and I moved against him as I released his mouth. For a moment we stared at each other, and then his hand caressed my cheek .
"Oh Spock, are you sure you want this?"
I should have ended it then, for truthfully at that point in my life I was sure of very little. The words froze in my throat and in a moment of madness I cast off my control, my beliefs, all that I have lived by and I kissed him again, pressing him down onto the bed.
All the passion that I had not spent during my pon farr came out of me then. All the violence of my ancestors that I have spent a lifetime suppressing welled in me. My Vulcan control proved paper thin, as my father had always asserted, and ripped under the
pressure. I was not gentle with him. With rough hands I tore his shirt off him, exposing that smooth chest to my attention. My lips and teeth pressed to every inch of bare flesh, my fingers pulled at his nipples, making them hard. He moaned and squirmed under my
attentions and thrust his hips upwards against me. Quickly I tore his trousers off and released his straining erection. Backing away I surveyed him as he lay, flushed and breathless, on the bed. His cock was completely erect, and weeping, his nipples were hard nubs on his chest and his lips were swollen where they had met mine. There were vivid red marks around his arms where I had held him down.
Deliberately, I took my time stripping myself as he lay there. I held his eyes with mine as I removed my shirt and trousers and stood exposed before him. My own cock stood proudly out and I caressed it, grasping my testicles with my other hand. His hips bucked outward again, seeking me, and I smiled.
I fell upon him again, enclosing him in my mouth, holding him fully within. My lips worked at him, my tongue stroked his length and he thrust into me. He did not last long and with a shout of my name he released, his seed shooting into my mouth. There was a bitterness to it and I did not swallow, instead sending it back into my cupped
hands where I spread it onto myself.
I think his eyes held a trace of apprehension then, as he recovered enough to see what I was doing. Still, he responded quickly when I urged him onto his stomach and I pulled his hips back and up. His weight rested on his arms and his ass was held into the air for me. I
pried him apart and spread his own seed into his hole, stretching it with my fingers while my lips covered his back. We both remained silent, I do not think that there was enough rationality in us for words. When he was prepared I pressed my organ against his hole,
opening him wide. He gasped in sudden discomfort as I pushed into him and I wrapped one hand around his cock. I laid my free hand on his face and sought out the meld points.
He questioned me, as my mind entered him and I sent back a reassuring response. This was to help with his pain. He signalled assent and I took him out of the realm of the physical and into that of the mind.
He did not feel pain as I thrust myself fully into his tight passage, nor as some of the delicate tissues ripped and a trickle of blood dripped down his leg. He felt only ecstasy as I began thrusting inside of him, moving within him deeper and deeper. As I thrust I
pumped on his own organ, and when we came it was together, my seeding flowing into him, his releasing into my hand. Our orgasms combined in our joined mind and the waves of passion were too much for both of us, the meld was severed and we both collapsed into a deep sleep.
When I awoke the madness that had gripped me was gone, and the coolness of my mind was left. I lifted myself off of him and out of the bed and looked back down at him. That body that I had so admired for so many years was marked now, there were bruises along his back and on his thighs. There was dried blood on his ass, and down one leg. Bite marks adorned his shoulders. No doubt there was additional damage on his chest.
It took only a moment to find the meld points on his face and send him into a deeper sleep. With his med-kit I went to work on his body. I repaired the physical damage, healed his bruises. I cleaned him up and straightened the bed, removing all trace of my presence from his room. Then I entered his mind again, for the last time, and whispered a single word, "forget".
I thought it was better so. He was a human who would desire a passionate relationship, not a cold Vulcan one. If I allowed myself to feel passion it would destroy him, and myself. Better to leave now. I left a message on his terminal stating that I was resigning from Starfleet and I left for Vulcan that night. I will never see him again.
The sun of Vulcan burned hot over the desert during the fifth afternoon and I ripped off the blindfold and removed the tether. I walked away from the testing place. What do I know of faith?
The End